For some men domestic violence (DV) has deep cultural or generational connotations.

Others may loathe the insidious statistics, the abhorrent crimes on defenseless women and children, the vicious violent acts, the murders and the suicides and choose to be ignorant of the data until it affects them personally or their family.

Nelson Bay's Roger Yeo - a highly respected retired banker and family man to his wife Kathy and two children - is a consequence of the latter category.

"Prior to 2012, domestic abuse was not important to me," the Canadian-born Mr Yeo said.

That was until the day he found his daughter, Rachelle, dead at the hands of a violent and abusive ex-boyfriend.

"The whole family was totally shocked. We had regular contact with Rachelle and there were few indications anything was wrong."

Mr Yeo said that the family had been left devastated with feelings of grief, anger and guilt.

"We asked ourselves ... why had we not seen the signs, what did we miss, what could we have done to prevent it?"

Unfortunately, the number of victims to domestic violence has not changed from the day of Rachelle's murder eight years ago, and according to Mr Yeo probably won't change for the next eight years unless there is a cultural and generational shift, particularly among the male population.

"There are over 60 women killed each year in Australia by a partner, by someone they know, by someone they trusted or by someone they loved. That needs to change."

ALSO READ: Raymond Terrace DV reports surge 59.6 per cent

Mr Yeo and his wife Kathy, still grieve for the loss of their only daughter and have since become active advocates for groups such as White Ribbon [where Roger is a community partner], which aims to eliminate men's violence against women through its campaign to urge all people to 'Stand Up, Speak Out and Act'.

"Changing the culture that accepts and consequently condones violence against women will not come easy, in fact I think it will take three to four generations before it can be eliminated," Mr Yeo said.

"We need to start with our youth, primary school age kids. Often it starts at home so we need dads talking to their sons, mums and dads talking to their daughters. We need mates talking to each other, school teachers and sporting coaches to show leadership and play strong mentoring roles."

"Men have to learn to be comfortable with themselves ... we don't have to 'control' relationships or people. White Ribbon's objective is to engage men and boys to recognise the issues and to help prevent further violence against women by changing attitudes and behaviours, and to make positive social change."

Mr Yeo said that educating young kids to treat women with respect and to be kind to others would be a significant start in the DV conversation. And he wanted the public to understand the difference between physical and mental, or emotional, violence.

"Coercive control is the ability of someone to control a person's mind and alter their ability to see reality. The result is the victim is left isolated and vulnerable." Mr Yeo likens coercive control to legalised torture.

He said that many abusive adult men start out as school bullies and that was why it was important to begin educational programs in primary schools.

"Adults need to be more vigilant, school teachers and sporting coaches need to show leadership and, where necessary, police need more training."

One of the reasons that coercive control is under-reported is that it is often difficult to prosecute and can be hard to define because it leaves mental scars, not physical injuries.

Mr Yeo believes that Port Stephens has made huge inroads in recent years through programs of education and awareness provided by White Ribbon and the local police command.

A NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research study in September found there had been an increase of 59.6 per cent in domestic assaults in Raymond Terrace for the 12 months to June 2020.

COVID has made it difficult for some victims to seek support and protection from an abusive partner, stretching the resources of such groups as Yacaaba Centre (in Nelson Bay) and Port Stephens Family Neighbourhood Centre (based at Raymond Terrace), who continue to provide significant support in areas of welfare and refuge.

But says Mr Yeo the pandemic is not the reason why we have abusive men. "It comes down to behaviour and every person has the power to make a choice and be responsible for their actions."

Mr Yeo said that there was also a responsibility on individuals who witness signs of relationship abuse to play a role in what ultimately could mean the difference between life and death for a woman or child.

"We must be better listeners and we must build trust with these victims, it is important that we have someone who believes them and can help with an escape plan."

If you are worried about a friend's safety, the experts tell us to stay in touch and be creative; avoid making the abuser suspicious. Ask your friend how they prefer to connect; help them think through how to stay safe during COVID-19; respect their right to consent and respect their privacy; and finally offer practical assistance and share resources.

Last Wednesday (November 25) was International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and the beginning of 16 days of action.

If you or anyone you know has experienced, or is at risk of, family or domestic violence or sexual assault, call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732): 24 hours.

The "Speak Out, Save Lives" campaign is aiming to raise awareness and funds for the prevention of violence against women in alignment with the global 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence, (November 25 to - December 10).

The campaign invites businesses, schools and individuals in our community to take part in a worldwide call for the elimination of gender-based violence.

Spokesperson Louise McCann said that the COVID-19 pandemic exacerbated risks for women who face violence in their homes, including unemployment, financial uncertainty and confinement because of social isolation and distancing.

"The chances are that everyone knows someone who has been affected by family or domestic violence," Ms McCann said.

"With the support of our community we can create change and by promoting awareness about gender-based violence and looking out for the signs, we can help prevent and reduce the incidents of violence." Local businesses and companies are being encouraged to get involved by hosting events to raise awareness about family and domestic violence.